Wow! I am so sorry for not posting on here in so long, I have been going through ALOT in my personal life and I think it is appropriate (sorry if thats spelled wrong) to share it with you all since the title of my blog is "The Journey to a New Dee". And this has definately been a journey.
Well I guess we can start from the beginning. I have suffered from extreme Anxiety for about six years now. It all started going into freshman year of High School. I won't go into the details but lets just say for six years I have been struggling with every little thing and every decision I have had to make in my life and while making those decsions my anxiety kicks in and does not let me have a break. I mean everything from not eating for weeks, vomiting, not sleeping for weeks etc. It didn't affect me for long period of times throughout High School but when it did it would take control of my life. I never let it control my entire life so I could have a little bit of control of it while in school, but it all went downhill at the start of college.
First off, I chose to go to a community college one because it is way cheaper, and secondly even thinking about going off to school or to a university set me anixety off. So here I am all signed up for classes and everything and at 10:00 p.m. the night before classes were supposed to start I cancelled all of my classes and changed them to online classes... Now you kind of get the jist of how bad it really is. Well it turns out that online classes are the better option for me in the long run and I am happy about my decision. But that does not take away my anxiety. When my first year ended, I guess not waking up and having something to do all day and having no responsability gave me more time to sit and think about my anxiety and what the future holds. Now something you need to know about me is that I cannot stand change. If there is even talk about change in a room I am in my anxiety kicks in and I start shaking, my stomach feels sick and I start sweating. So you see where I am at right now.
Now since I am suffering from this anxiety along comes
depression. The big bad word... I have never thought of myself as "depressed" because I always such amazing people surrounding me at all times and I was always surrounded with laughter and happiness and support. But I finally had to face the fact that I was depressed. Seeing all of your friends move on with their lives and start the beginning of the rest of their lives, seeing pictures of people do the same exact things that you have been longing to do hurts the worse. It almost feels like your feet are glued to the floor and everyone around you is constantly growing, moving on and having fun. This past summer I have really hit my rock bottom and decided to get help in the form of a therapist which was one of the things I said I would never do but I had to suck up my pride and go for it and I am so glad I did. I am only four sessions in but I already feel better.
Something else you should know about my depression and the way I am feeling. In high school I was a social butterfly. I was rarley ever home and I was always hanging out with friends and going out on the weekends and having the time of my life. It was like if I was home and I wasn't out with friends I felt weird. Well that has most definatly changed. I know that 50 percent of it was my depression, because when you are depressed getting off of the couch takes effort because all I wanted to do was hide from the world and get in Pinterest all day long...(sigh..sounds good right?) Well it started to affect everyone around me such as my family started questioning if something was more serious and I was not contimplating life or anything I was just depressed. My mom has gone through it so she understood what I was going through a little bit more. I wouldn't wish this on even the worst enemy in my life...
BUT (sorry for the heavy stuff) I just felt the need to fill you readers in if there are even any readers left because I haven't been on in so long I just wanted to let you guys know why.
I am for sure still dieting and doing really well! I have taken some time off due to what I said above, because all that sounded good was a cheeseburger from McDonalds and ice cream....comfort food?! Guilty as charged. BUT since I am still on the path of changing my life and reinventing myself I said enough is enough and got back onto my diet!
If you remember on my previous posts, I have lost 20 pounds doing the military diet which I have posts about below and I was able to keep the 20 pounds off for those couple of months which I was super excited about! So I still had the urge and passion to keep it up and I have!
I have officially lost another 10 pounds not doing the military, but just eating right and exercising!
AHH! I still can't believe it! I am so proud of myself (:
Some things that I eat on a daily basis so my daily menu:
Breakfast:
A bowl with 1 cut up apple, a handful of grapes, and 3/4 cup of Special K chocolty delight cereal (I still have to have my chocolate (; ..) And the fruit is seperate from the cereal! Also some days I will add and orange and always strawberries! Fills me up for about three hours.
Lunch:
For lunch I usually just have one wedge of the "Laughing Cow" cheese which is only 30 calories a wedge and you get alot! And I have that with more fruit, and a handful of the "Toasted Wheat Thin chips" and thats about it!
Dinner:
Most nights I will have a fillet of salmon with nothing but salt, pepper and a little bit of garlic salt oven baked with a side of some kind of vegetable! My two that I will probably only eat is canned corn or green beans!
And I usually skip dessert because it is not good to eat after 7 p.m.! BUUUT if I have a serious craving I will have a "Smart Ones" dessert found in the freezer isle.
SOOO I am officially down 30 pounds! Ah that is insane but I am so excited!
Starting weight: 260 ):
Current weight: 230 (:
I will post regulary now I promise!
xoxo
